Husband makes comments about my weight, could it mean he’s no longer attracted to me? Do not respond angrily, instead, plan a way to discuss what he said calmly and patiently with him. If your husband won’t stop being rude, controlling, or defensive, it’s time to evaluate your safety and respect in the relationship. Nobody has control over your body, so you determine your self-worth. Look for the needed support and ensure a good feeling about who you are.
Husband makes comments about my weight
At the altar, you both agreed for better, for worse. Moreover, your husband is probably not as young/perfect as he used to be. Whatever he feels about your body is his opinion, and whatever you decide or will decide to do about your appearance is up to you.
Relationships grow stronger when both parties are less judgmental. Your self-esteem grows if your husband is kind, loving to you, and finds you more attractive.
Derogatory remarks such as “you’re fat” are hurtful things for your partner to say to you. As such, you want to think long and hard about the situation—don’t also come to hasty conclusions.
Naturally, people are attracted to people’s appearances before they even begin to engage with them. If you are comfortable with your body, let your husband know you feel he should accept you as you are.
Generally, a good husband would love you the way you are. However, different men have different preferences. While some prefer thin, some average, and others chubby.
If you feel the need to lose weight, then go for it. Don’t do it for him—do it for you because nobody has a say over your body. If you’re average-looking, it may not be necessary to lose a few pounds.
What to do when your husband thinks you’re fat
It can be hurtful and difficult when your husband makes comments about your body weight or appearance. Remember that you deserve love and respect irrespective of your size. If your husband thinks you’re fat, wants you to lose a few pounds, and it’s causing conflict in your relationship, below are a few steps you can take to address the issue.
1. Don’t respond aggressively
Take a deep breath at first. It gets upsetting when a man comments on your weight, especially if that person is your husband. A deep breath will help you collect your thoughts. Consider taking a walk and allowing him some space, or tell him you need some time to process the situation. Refrain from speaking until you’ve taken a step back and had some space.
Instead of focusing on what your husband just said, think about something good in your life. Some of the strategies to picture yourself to redirect your thoughts and distract your mind include:
- Gathering the emotions, balling them up, and putting them into a box,
- Walking, swimming, biking, or jogging away from painful feelings,
- Imagining your thoughts as a song/TV show you dislike or
- Turning down the volume—The Science of Health.
2. Pick your lines of thought carefully
Be mindful of your thoughts before reacting. Besides, you’re likely to become upset and protective when you feel hurt—that’s normal. While it’s okay to be angry about your partner criticizing your weight, you want to be careful not to respond in a manner that fuels further disputes.
You could say, “I understand your attempt to make me feel horrible about my body. You won’t abuse me. I’m more than that,” if your husband appears to belittle you.
If your husband is usually understanding but just called you fat, tell him that what he just said makes you feel less of yourself. Ask him politely to concentrate on the topic of discussion without deviating to hurt you.
3. Talk things out with him
Talk things out with your husband and avoid extended arguments. Instead of blaming each other, think of a better way to resolve the problem.
You may need to assess if you two are able to communicate about one another’s sentiments effectively if your husband is unable to discuss his concerns or listen to yours. Think about if you and your husband can discuss difficult topics without feeling emotionally drained, depleted, and disrespected.
4. Remember your self-worth
Keep in mind that only you can decide your self-worth. You have right over your sense of worth and self-worth, even when you might look up to your husband for approval.
Your husband’s words of encouragement can make you feel more confident about yourself. However, don’t rely on him to tell you how you should feel about your appearance or looks.
You want to develop a sense of self-worth. Think about telling yourself things like:
- “I’m more than my appearance.”
- “The number on a scale can’t dictate my worth.”
Don’t let whatever your husband says about losing weight bother you—set your own goals. Even if your husband calls you fat and obese, don’t lose focus. If you already set goals for your body image, stick with them. Your partner should not dictate your aspirations for your life, happiness, and health.
Determine what health and body image goals are proper for you. Find out what makes you feel cherished and valued and promote your needs and yourself.
Look out for other methods to feel good about your body if your husband can’t be your source.
5. Take self-care seriously
You could feel like you want to run away or fight back after being body shamed. Focus on what makes you feel good about yourself and your life instead of investing the energy in negative ideas and feelings.
Spend some alone time doing these things reflecting on:
- your body and your own good qualities,
- those things you like about yourself
Take part in independent activities from your spouse or family. Go out in the evenings with friends. The outside has much more for you to discover and engage in new activities, as well as fulfill the task on your bucket list.
Make sure to concentrate on activities that help you feel good about yourself to enjoy your body. Consider gentle yoga and meditation.
6. Check whether your relationship is growing unhealthy
Take your time to check how commonly your husband says those negative words to you. If your husband keeps calling you fat or criticizes your appearance, which demeans and makes you feel helpless and ashamed, your relationship may be unhealthy.
If your husband thinks you’re fat but then pours it on your face (despite knowing that your weight is a sensitive subject), he’s simply trying to hurt your feeling.
It helps to note down how often he insults you or makes you feel bad, whether it’s multiple times daily or occasionally every few months. If your husband mistreats you regularly, it’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship. According to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, the signs of unhealthy behaviors in a friendship or romantic relationship include:
If you have been hurt and body shamed multiple times by your partner, whether through his choice of words or rude behavior, you may be suffering from abuse. Nobody, including your husband, should make you feel less of yourself.
7. Seek support
If you deem it necessary, contact a crisis hotline in case of abuse. Consider contacting a crisis counselor to help you understand the difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship.
You should see a marriage or couples counselor if you feel safe around your husband but the rate of arguments keeps increasing. A counselor will help you and your husband to communicate more effectively and make your relationship grow stronger, instead of basking in and feeling shame. Make sure to prioritize counseling. Consider it an opportunity to improve the relationship health and self-confidence with your husband. If your husband refuses marriage or couples counseling, don’t hesitate to go for counseling yourself to learn to cope better in the difficult relationship.
8. Find support in family
You could enjoy reassurance and support when you connect with your family. First, identify the right people and discuss your relationship and your husband’s attitude with them. You may be able to find wisdom and proper guidance in what they have to say.
Will my husband love me more if I lose weight?
Your husband may become prouder of you if you lose weight, however, you should not be taking that weight loss journey to please his demand, but rather to make you feel more comfortable with your looks. He may feel personally and sexually more attracted to you. In some cases, your husband may be scared that you will look elsewhere for someone else and may even react with increased jealousy—WebMD.
Ultimately, do not isolate yourself whenever your husband talks down on your weight. They may Identify the excuse of “looking out for your health” but in the end, you are in control of your body. Do not hesitate to reach out to loving and supportive friends or family. Also, seek wisdom and gain strength from people who have overcome body image problems.