My husband is overweight and it turns me off

My husband is overweight and it turns me off. Understandably, you might not be attracted to your husband’s physical appearance, but it’s important to remember that appearances aren’t everything and that people can change over time.

If you’re concerned about your husband getting fat and want him to be healthier, it helps to approach the subject in a supportive way, rather than being critical or judgmental.


Try saying something like, “I care about your health and well-being, and I’m here to support you if you want to make some changes to improve your health. Can we work together to find some healthy habits that work for both of us?” This approach can help create a positive and supportive environment in which you can address any concerns you have about your husband’s weight and work together to make healthy changes.

My husband is overweight and it turns me off


My husband is overweight and it turns me off

While your husband’s personal health is ultimately his responsibility, it can also have an impact on other members of the family. Finding a balance between respecting his autonomy and addressing the effects his choices may have on the family can be challenging. However, it’s important not to let this balancing act prevent you from addressing any concerns you may have.

Your frustration is not just about their obese appearance or body image, but also about the impact it can have on their long-term health and the health of your relationship.

Being overweight or obese increases the risk of developing serious health conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure (see the Mayo Clinic), heart disease, and stroke. It can also limit the ability to engage in physical activities that you and your partner may have enjoyed together.

Additionally, a lack of focus on maintaining a healthy diet and exercise routine may indicate a lack of dedication to self-care. You and your husband need to consider these factors and prioritize good health, rather than just focusing on appearance and attraction.


Remember that other traits in your spouse contributed to your decision to marry them.

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What to do if your husband is overweight?

Relationships require effort from both parties to be successful. Open and honest communication, listening, and empathy are all important for building a strong and healthy relationship. It’s important to remember that relationships aren’t easy and that both people need to work at making each other happy and satisfied.

1. Focus on his attractive characteristics

Your spouse’s weight is not the sole determining factor in your attraction to them. Many other physical traits can contribute to the attraction, such as their eyes, voice, and smell. If your partner is resistant to losing weight, try shifting your focus to the other aspects of their appearance that you find appealing.

Remember, physical attraction is just one aspect of a relationship, so consider the emotional and mental connection as well.

While physical attraction is certainly a significant part of a relationship, it is not the only factor that determines the strength and health of a relationship. The mental and emotional connection between two people, as well as their compatibility, can also play a vital role in maintaining a healthy and passionate relationship. However, it’s important to recognize the importance of physical attraction and to take steps to maintain your own health and appearance, both for your own well-being and the sake of your relationship. By taking care of yourself, you can help to ensure that your relationship is strong and sustainable.

2. Educate yourself

It’s clear that you care about your spouse, and they care about you as well. By educating yourself on the various factors that can contribute to overeating, you can gain a better understanding of the challenges that your spouse may be facing.

This can help you to approach the topic with sensitivity and start a dialogue about any underlying issues that may be causing them to turn to food as a coping mechanism. By approaching the conversation with care and compassion, you can work together to address these issues and find healthier ways to cope.

3. Change your cravings in their presence

Likely, replacing cravings for junk food and beer with tofu and quinoa will be a successful or sustainable solution. It may take time, patience, and a willingness to try multiple approaches before you can help your spouse make lasting changes to their eating habits.

4. Don’t underestimate what he’s going through

Recognize that your partner may be facing challenges or struggles that they find difficult to talk about. Showing your support and understanding can be a great way to help them feel loved and valued. Consider suggesting activities that you can do together, like going for a walk or participating in physical activity, as a way to connect and provide a sense of support.

5. Talk to him about it

Remember to approach the conversation with kindness and a desire to understand and help your partner.

In the past, the way I have received feedback from loved ones has varied depending on the strength of our relationship and how I perceive their feelings toward me. When I feel that they care deeply about me and are concerned for my well-being, it is easier for me to listen to their feedback.

There may be underlying psychological or emotional issues contributing to your husband’s neglect of his health. These could include depression, unresolved trauma, or untreated addiction. People who struggle with these kinds of issues may not be aware of the impact their behavior has on their loved ones and may engage in denial to avoid facing difficult emotions or situations.

As part of the conversation about your husband’s health, it may be helpful to consider seeking additional therapeutic resources or marriage counseling to help you work together as a team. This could include seeking support from a therapist or counselor, either individually or as a couple. Marriage counseling can be a helpful way to address any underlying issues or challenges in your relationship and to find ways to support each other in making positive changes.

6. Don’t use weight as an excuse for other issues

If there are other issues in your relationship beyond your husband’s weight gain, do not try to use weight loss as a means of fixing these issues.

While weight loss can have many positive benefits for both you and your husband, it’s important to recognize that it will not solve all of your problems magically.

If you are experiencing dissatisfaction with your romantic life, you should communicate it directly with your husband.

Be honest with your husband about your feelings, but it’s also important to approach the conversation in a compassionate and understanding way. Instead of focusing on his weight.

You might try saying something like, “I love you and I care about your health and well-being. I’m worried about you and I want to support you in any way I can. I think it might be helpful for you to have a complete physical exam, just to make sure everything is okay. I care about you and I want to help in any way I can.” Remember that there could be a variety of factors contributing to your husband’s behavior and weight gain, and it’s important to approach the conversation with a supportive and non-judgmental attitude.

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How do I get my husband to lose weight?

It can be challenging to try and motivate someone, especially your husband, to make lifestyle changes such as trying to lose weight. Nevertheless, do the following and remember that the decision is up to them to make.

1. Lead by example

Approach the subject of weight loss with your partner in a supportive and understanding way. It can be helpful to make an effort to lead by example by maintaining healthy eating and exercise habits but note that the decision to lose weight ultimately lies with your partner.

2. Ask to join their weight loss journey

If you want to be involved in your partner’s weight loss journey, it can be helpful to start by asking them what kind of support they need. This could include things like help with meal planning and preparation or finding an exercise buddy. You can also make changes at home to support his weight loss efforts, such as restocking the kitchen with healthy food options and getting rid of unhealthy choices.

Encourage and support your spouse by joining them in their exercise endeavors. Walking is a simple yet effective way to improve fitness and facilitate weight loss, especially for those just starting out. Plus, it’s a great opportunity to spend quality time together. Consider finding other enjoyable activities that also promote physical activity, such as hiking or dancing. You can also research and compare different weight loss programs to determine which one might be the most suitable for your spouse.

3. Shift the focus away from the scale

While it’s natural for your spouse to focus on weight loss as a measure of success, it’s important to also consider other factors such as energy levels and sleep patterns. Instead of asking about weight loss, try asking how they’re feeling. If they do express excitement about losing weight, be supportive and avoid making negative comments such as “Let’s hope you keep it off.” If they’re feeling frustrated because the scale isn’t moving, try to be a supportive listener rather than offering unsolicited advice or criticism.

How do I tell my husband he needs to lose weight?

It can be difficult to approach a loved one about their weight, as it is a sensitive subject. It is also important to have an open and honest conversation about his weight.

1. Time the conversation

Be mindful of timing when discussing sensitive topics like weight and health. Don’t discuss someone’s weight in front of others, as this can be embarrassing and humiliate the person.

Avoid having these types of conversations if either you or your loved one is in an emotionally vulnerable state, such as during a disagreement or argument.

Most professionals agree that timing is an important factor to consider when discussing sensitive topics with loved ones—Stuart Taylor via the Financial Review. If your loved one is going through a difficult time or is not ready to address any potential weight or health issues, it is best to wait before bringing up the topic.

2. Don’t be accusatory

Avoid using accusatory language or offering simplistic advice, as this can come off as critical or judgmental. Instead, try to approach the conversation with an open and supportive attitude. Understand that managing weight can be a complex and difficult process and that the person you are trying to support may have already tried many different approaches in the past.

Instead of telling them what they “need” or “should” do, try asking them about their own experiences and see if there is anything you can do to support their efforts in a way that works best for them.

3. Speak from a position of love

Try to focus on the potential health risks associated with being overweight or obese, rather than on their appearance. Let them know that you are expressing your concerns out of love and a desire to ensure a long, healthy life together. It may also be helpful to offer your support and encourage them to speak with a healthcare professional or seek out resources to help them manage their weight and improve their overall health.

It can be helpful to encourage your loved one to share their perspective on their weight and overall health. You can try saying something like, “I care about your health and I’m worried about the potential risks associated with being overweight, especially given your family history of diabetes. Can you tell me how you feel about your weight gain and your overall health?” This approach allows your loved one to express their thoughts and feelings and can help you understand their perspective on the issue. By inviting them to share their perspective in a caring and non-judgmental way, you can create an open and supportive environment for having a productive conversation about their health.

4. Don’t immediately compliment their progress

Respect your loved one’s boundaries when it comes to comments about their weight and appearance. Unless they have specifically asked for it, it may be best to avoid making any comments about their weight loss.

Some people may appreciate compliments when they begin losing weight, while others may feel uncomfortable or self-conscious when any comments are made about their bodies. If you’re unsure how your loved one would feel about receiving compliments on their weight loss, it’s a good idea to ask them before making any comments. This can help ensure that you respect their wishes and feelings and that the conversation remains positive and supportive.


Ultimately, the decision to make changes to improve your husband’s health is up to your loved one. However, you can offer your support and encouragement as they work towards their health goals. Let them know that they are important to you and that you want them to be healthy not just for their own sake, but for the sake of the entire family.

Be patient and understanding, as sustained weight loss can be a slow and steady process. Remember that the ultimate goal is not necessarily for your loved one to reach a specific weight or size, but rather to improve their overall health and well-being.

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